blogguerz

*i’m putting this here because the brain gremlins deserve documentation.

sooo, i sorta got “hit a wall” in my studies… and i was beginning to worry if whether or not it’s my chronic OCD spiraling or if i’m legitimately hesitant. and after stepping away, taking a walk, and the newly implemented “OCD check-in” safeguards i started practicing, and so i am leaning toward the latter thought that this is a legitimate pause. but i want to be clear with you (but most importantly with myself) that this is not a definitive end, but most accurately a definitive pause.

i had to make a call today: keep grinding through CSS by brute force, or step back and actually respect the fact that i am beginning to feel the floor wobble underneath my feeble feet. and yes, i know how dramatic that sounds. but if you ever tried to force your way through a topic while your mental model is half-built and your confidence is doing laps in the parking lot, you know exactly what kind of bullshit that turns into.

the move:

i am pausing the 24-week roadmap for a little bit, a pause.

NOT cuz i’m done.

NOT cuz i failed.

NOT cuz i’m “starting over” like some sad lil phoenix with a browser tab addiction.

Nope. none of the above.

but rather simply, i want the next step to land properly.

the why:

i completed The Odin Project– CSS Foundations and most of Flexbox except for the very end Project: Landing Page. i also went through freeCodeCamp’s CSS work up to the Accessibility workshop, including Build a Quiz Webpage. on paper, that looks like progress. and it IS progress.

but in practice, i’m hitting that familiar wall where i can sorta follow along, sorta imitate the moves, and sorta tell myself “yeah, sure, i get it, why not,” while quietly knowing that if you sat me down with a blank file and no hints, i would still be negotiating with the void.

THAT is the part i do not want to normalize

the pause:

the problem is not that i am incapable.

the problem is that i can feel myself drifting into a bad habit: using tools as a crutch instead of a multiplier.

and look, AI is fucking useful. yes, sure, no question. BUT, there is a point where the tool stops being a support beam and starts becoming a wheelchair you did not ask for. i do not want to get that far gone… err fuck that, no, i WILL NOT get that far gone!

i want to build with my own brain first. Then use AI to sharpen, accelerate, or sanity-check the work if/when need be— not to replace the work itself.

so i am doing the annoying thing, the adulting thing. i am choosing restraint.

the reset plan:

for the next stretch, i’m shifting into web.dev and slowing the fuck down. way, way down.

their outline is simple and for my OCD is the perfect format for me to do it one topic per day starting tonight:

• Box Model. <- June 12, today/tonight
• Selectors.
• Nesting.
• The cascade.
• Specificity.
• Inheritance.
• Color.
• Sizing units.
• Layout.
• Flexbox. <- June 21

then on June 22, i will come back to where i left of in Week 5 with freeCodeCamp Build a Quiz Webpage and The Odin Project Flexbox: Project: Landing Page. and so the following week, i shall return and onramp continuing toward Week 6 Day, June 29, for CSS Grid + responsive design polish.

that’s the plan.
not glamorous.
not sexy.
probably correct.

the vibe pivot:

the two mottos, the mindsets, for said pause are as so:

“not the end; simply a pause.”

and also:

“there is no ending, just more data.“

that one is doing a lot of lifting right now.

because this is not me backing away from the goal. no, instead, this is me refusing to pretend that “more repetition” automatically means “more understanding”.

sometimes the disciplined move is to stop sprinting and fix your fucking gait.

what i’m trying to protect:

• my agency.
• my confidence.
• my ability to reason through CSS without panic.
• future-Guerz, who will absolutely have to debug something at 12:48 a.m. with zero patience and a morally questionable amount of caffeine.

i want to be the person who can look at a layout and say, “i know why this behaves that way.”

not the person who can only say, “hold on, let me ask the oracle…”

so yeeeah…

this is a pause.
a real one.
a deliberate one.
a “boot + rally” one.

and if i’m being honest? that feels better than forcing myself through another week of pretending i’m more solid than i am.

which, inconveniently, is usually how you know you’re making the right call.

less fog, more forward.

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 • Guerz feels ready

p.s. new Olivia Rodrigo AND with Robert Fucking Smith 🥹 let’s fucking staaaaaay!!! AND on Filipino Independence Day!!! mabuhay! w00t w00t! 🪀 🌺 🇵🇭
p.p.s. new brand assets soon come 🤫