going over the flashcards diligently today. still struggling, but i think i’m making progress, nay, i AM making progress 😤 it’s not like i’m getting zero out of all of them — i’m making a tiny dent, and a tiny dent is still data worth having.
it’s just really fucking frustrating knowing i completed all the coursework but seemingly have a memory of a filipino goldfish. hard to recall stuff with my academic handicaps, if you will. i guess they call those learning disabilities these days.
i do feel like the flashcards are helping though. i don’t have 201 blank physical flashcards at my dsisposal, so what i’ve been doing is writing all the questions and answers line for line, leaving an extra line blank for after the fact. this way when i go through 20 a day, i can go back and, when i review them, put the answers in my own words. i think this method should help. only time will tell, and data will tell.
can’t help but feel like somewhat of a failure for the fact that i completed the coursework two weeks ago and i’m still hesitating to take the test — knowing in the back of my mind i’ll fail with whatever the opposite of flying colors is. some part of me wants to take the test just to prove i’m incapable of it. but i know that’s a stupid move. i should take it when i’m prepared.
going over the flashcards diligently today. still struggling, but i think i’m making progress. it’s not like i’m getting zero out of all of them — i’m making a tiny dent, and a tiny dent is still data worth having.
it’s just really fucking frustrating knowing i completed all the coursework but have the memory of seemingly a goldfish. hard to recall stuff with my academic handicaps, if you will. i guess they call those learning disabilities these days.
i do feel like the flashcards are helping though. i don’t have 201 blank flashcards at my disposal, so what i’ve been doing is writing all the questions and answers line for line, leaving an extra line blank after the fact. this way when i go through 20 a day, i can go back and, when i review them, put the answers in my own words. i think this method should help. only time will tell, and data will tell.
can’t help but feel like somewhat of a failure for the fact that i completed the coursework two weeks ago and i’m still hesitating to take the test — knowing in the back of my mind i’ll fail with whatever the opposite of flying colors is. some part of me wants to take the test just to prove i’m incapable of it. but i know that’s a stupid move. i should take it when i’m prepared.
i think what kills me most is that with ADHD and OCD, i was locked into this 24-week roadmap. but now, with the gravity of the situation, i’m gonna have to stretch it out further. indefinitely. who knows how long it’ll take me to get this material down. all i know is 20 cards a day out of 201 is gonna be roughly 11-ish days.
this is where the strange part is — the old me, for lack of better terms. or maybe more accurate terms would be the normal me. would have folded immediately and said “fuck this”, retreated to ye olde gravity blanket fort, hid away from the world, labeled myself a loser and incapable of anything. everything. for right now, that part of me isn’t there. at least it’s not at the forefront. the part that’s at the forefront right now is saying “fuck that” “keep going.” you ARE gonna get this even if you fail the first try. you’re still gonna keep at it until you get it.
so that big decision i’ve been alluding to in the past couple of posts, i’ll just say it. i’ll just say it plainly: i am NOT gonna pursue digital cinematography at Full Sail University.
reason being — i went into this whole web development and programming world with the mindset of monetary gain while i pursue my actual passion, cinematography and film. but to my surprise, as i delved deeper into the course material for web dev, i started to grow an affinity toward it. an affinity that traces all the way back to LiveJournal, Geocities days. some part of me — it really feels like this is home. and i don’t think that’s a feeling i should ignore.
soooo yeah that said, i’m putting all my chips in toward web development and programming, because i honestly feel like this is where my heart is <2
btw, twitch stream is 24/7 eviction funddraser:
https://tiwtch.tv/gurerz
stop on by. every little bit help
cureent moode 😤 determined
currently listening to: