blogguerz

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[smash cut to late last night]

i was bouncing Raquelle, clumsily, in the dead of a moonless night.

she clipped my foot and started rolling away faster than a bad decision with downhill momentum. i watched her vanish under a car like she had a secret appointment with the gutter.

i spent the next two minutes searching for her, much to my chagrin.

no luck.

Raquel was fucking GONE GIRL starring Ben Afflect

all of this happened during a jaywalk, by the way.

what a way to reward a high.

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[smash cut to today 2 pm]

today, around two in the afternoon, i went out for another casual jaywalk. hehe. 😮‍💨🫩

sun out. shame low. high cruising at a reasonable neighborhood speed.

i was bouncing Raquel two of three—which is a soft spoiler and also makes it sound like i manage a very small cult—when i looked down.

and there she was.

Raquelle Prime.

the missing one!

not a metaphor. not a sign from Baphomet. just a dirty little racquetball sitting there like she had been waiting for her entrance cue.

upon closer inspection, there it was:

the faded R written in magic marker.

that letter stopped me.

for a second, everything else blurred. just me, Raquel, Raquel two of three, and the quiet realization that this story apparently had fucking inventory.

some people find spiritual clarity on a walk.

i found a dirty racquetball with my handwriting on it.

we take what we can get.

time, place, no filter. just proof of presence.

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[smash cut to 5 p.m.— in the studio, house lights fully bright]

Guerz, interviewer: so, i heard you’ve been on a bit of an adventure over the past day and a half or so.

Raquelle: allegedly.

[audience chuckles]

Guerz, interviewer: from what we’ve heard, the reports say you rolled under a car, disappeared into the darkness, and remained missing until the following afternoon.

Raquelle: and it wasn’t even my fault that i rolled under that car.

Raquelle: allegedly, allegedly

[audience chuckles again, slightly louder this time]

Raquelle: well, if i may put myself in your shoes, i’d have to say you were walking around with two left feet, high off your arse, only to be surprised by such beauty.

Guerz, interviewer: and then at 2 p.m. today, while i was on my casual jaywalk, bouncing Raquelle two of three—again, soft spoiler—tell them what happened.

[audience laughter]

[camera pans back to Guerz]

and that’s the story.

late last night, Raquelle escaped into the darkness like she had warrants.

today, around two, i’m out on a casual jaywalk, high off my arse, bouncing Raquelle two of three, when i look down and there she is.

the original.

the faded R was still clinging on like factory branding.

i don’t know if that was fate, bad coordination, or the universe operating a very low-budget lost-and-found department.

but there she was.

some folks find God on a walk.

i found a dirty racquetball with my handwriting on it.

again, we take what we can fucking get.

Guerz, interviewer: well, folks, that’s it for today’s show. tune in next time for more antics with Raquel.

Raquelle: yeah, assuming someone doesn’t lose me again and i still exist.

[audience uproar]

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current mood: 🤗 grateful

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