that’s the headline. that’s the whole fucking thing. everything else is footnotes.
the body first
wake and shake. core. hamstrings.
three things. done before the day got its hooks in me.
and i’ve been walking all damn day. multiple walks. bouncing Raquelle through puddles like a maniac. started jogging again yesterday and did a little more of it today.
two days of jogging. that’s a streak now. technically.
the meditation, and the thing that happened during it
did my guided meditation outside today instead of inside. park bench. playground. birds, wind, the whole setup.
and something actually landed.
i was staring at a tree in my field of view and the guy in the recording asked me to turn my attention onto the subject. the subject being me. and for a second there it clicked — i was observing myself observing.
noticing my noticing.
i’ve read about that moment a hundred times and it always felt like abstract woo. today it wasn’t abstract. it was just there, for maybe two seconds, and then it was gone.
still counts.
Anki, and the part where it starts working
three sessions today. fifteen minutes each, five-minute breaks between.
i was gonna do a fourth. i didn’t. i was getting frustrated, and pushing through frustration with flashcards is how you end up hating flashcards. so i stopped at three and called it a win.
but here’s the thing — the cards are getting easier. not “i memorized the answer” easier. actually easier. like the concept is finally in there somewhere instead of just the shape of the words.
i think the reading and the meditation helped. clearer head going in, better recall coming out. that’s my unscientific theory and i’m sticking with it.
reading again
started reading again. Chuck Palahniuk, Lullaby.
i forgot how much i needed a book that isn’t documentation.
what i shipped
shipped last night’s build this morning. then knocked out a contact form.
and i want to say this part clearly because it matters to me: all my builds are instructional. they’ve got HTML and CSS comments embedded on damn near every line, explaining what the thing actually does and why it’s there. not because i’m generous — because i need to be able to open a file three weeks from now and understand what past-me built.
but if you’re learning this stuff too, take them. seriously. clone them, break them, rebuild them. that’s what they’re there for.
guerz.lol/projects
what’s still on the table tonight
i’m working through hackr.io‘s build an animated business card right now.
so: animated. transitions, keyframes, something that moves. same fundamentals, more reason to finish it.
shipping it by the end of tonight.
the honest part
my attention is broken today. properly broken. i’m out of Adderall and the refill lands tomorrow or the day after, and until then my focus has the structural integrity of a wet paper bag.
i started the business card and had to walk away from it mid-build. not because it was hard. because i just… left. attention went somewhere and didn’t come back.
and i’m choosing not to be a dick to myself about it. because look at the list. workout, meditation, three study sessions, reading, a shipped build, a contact form, multiple walks, jogging.
on a no-meds day.
there was a rain cloud the size of a small country hanging over the complex all afternoon, and it never popped. just drifted off without doing a thing. felt personally relevant somehow.
OCD check-in next. then the business card. then bed.
current mood: 🤪 unmedicated but weirdly proud
currently listening to: