yesterday morning, i had my second Spravato (Esketamine) treatment. a whole lot of goodness again this go around.
i decided not to bring my blanket this time; one less thing to lug around. this time i did remembered to bring my headphones which was nice. i just put on Spotify and put on a non-lyrical, chill mix and let DJ Spot Ify do it’s thing with the mix feature. and it kicked off my medically induced k-hole sesh with Burial which is always a good sign, i think.
for whatever reason, there was a moment when i was thinking back to a specific period of my life back when my mom and dad would take me and my brother to the Triangle Pub in Nanuet after their company softball games, and i was having vivid memories of the hockey tabletop game where you kinda operated then players like foosball players and the puck was the size of a tater tot and you dropped it into a little slot at the top. i don’t know what the fuck that’s supposed to mean, but i was having a jolly good time.
i also did a lot of introspection. all of my thoughts were flowing it at a very nice pace unlike it ever has been if ever. and i rather like the way it’s working out, the way the sessions and dosages are doled out. it’s as if a blockage in my mind is slowly becoming unclogged cuz i honestly do not know if i’d be able to handle the floodgates opening all at once.
there was also a moment when i felt very good about the choices i have been making as of this past year. i’ve been actively, decidedly carving out my own path and doing things for my own sake. it’s something that’s fairly new to me and my life especially after a decade’s worth of simply not really choosing anything and being a shell of who is actually there.
the cracks have been mending. and the results are actually finally showing face.
it feels good.
i feel good.
i feel proud.
damn, that really fucking felt good to type. ^_^
there was a song that really struck a chord in me during the sesh which i’ll post at the bottom once i get home:
Lord of the Isles – Storm Mother
i’m typing this while i wait for my homebound medical transportation after my Invega Sustenna injection.
September is right around the corner which means school is right around the other corner. seriously can’t fucking wait! it’ll just be another full send continuation of what this year has been to me: living my life for once. and any hiccups and bumps along the way, i’m ready for. as i’ve been saying as of late:
“we work around it; we work with it!”
and also:
“failure is not the end; it’s just more data.”
soooo yeah, gonna toodle-oo for now. if anybody is actually reading this and reading this in time, i’ll be streaming later:
finna do another “study & chill” stream as per usz. i finished doing my web dev freeCodeCamp review of my weak points of HTML. now it’s onto the bigger half: CSS
currently mood: 🙃 ecstatic
currently listening to:
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